Xbox Live, 4th of July, and Swimming
Anyone who reads this blog already knows what happened the last few days, so I won't worry about writing it down. What you all didn't know is what happened in the mind of Alex English.
Nothing really. I was actually pretty content and relaxed most of the weekend. I'm happy for that. Anyway, I'll go down the list with the title of this blog:
1. Xbox Live: this weekend, I started a free subscription to Xbox live. I had a lot of fun the last few nights playing online. I was a little hesitant at first because I was worried everyone was going to kick my ass, but in the end, I was matched pretty evenly. I had a lot of fun playing with Julius and his friends and I recently was told that I made one of his friends very mad at me. Overall, the experiece was great and I can't wait for the Xbox 360 so I can play co-op games with Sean.
2. My 4th of July was a lot like last years: The fireworks were not that impressive, but at least they had a decent ending to them. I did have a lot of fun other than the fireworks though. My dad was his normal self, I had to lie to him about what Church we attend and who the Pastor was. I don't like lying to him, but I think it's better than telling him that I don't go to church at all and I've been lying to him for a long time. Wouldn't you all say so? I guess it just boils down to the fact that I don't want to be harrassed by everyone in my family. My Uncle Joey doesn't go to church, why doesn't anyone harrass him? My dad and I did throw the softball in the back yard, we haven't done that in awhile. I told him about the War of the Worlds scene with Tom Cruise and his "son" throwing the baseball. He laughed and then asked, "So you and Sheena went and saw War of the Worlds?" in a tone that said, "You shouldn't spend money on movies." I always feel immature around him and I also feel inadequate. I can't share this with Sheena, I don't want to give her more reasons to hate him. He also seemed to dissaprove of the fact that I wasn't saving money for my tuition next semester. I'm just trying to have a good summer. I hope I get the Manager position because that's the only way I'll be able to go to school. I also don't feel like I could ask my family for money. They just don't give me that impression. I will not take out a school loan. I refuse to do that. I would rather drop out than be in debt the rest of my life. Anyway, happy thoughts! My PawPaw really messed up his car. I hope he waits for me to go down to Louisianna. I could at least follow him and make sure he's ok. I'm just worried one of these days that my Uncle Joey is going to call me and tell me that my PawPaw is dead. I don't think I'll handle that very well. I need to get some new happy thoughts.
3. Swimming: I'm actually doing a lot better in the pool. I'm doing flips and everything. I still can't swim, but I think that goal is now within my grasp. I told my parents that I was going to swim after I was done hanging out with them and that turned into me going to some crazy Swim Party and that my friends that I've known for years would throw me in the pool. I know they're just trying to be protective, but I don't think they know me at all. That really makes me sad. I wish my family knew who I really was. I wish I could tell them all of my amazing adventures and actually have them laugh. I wish they could read one of my stories and not feel that it was evil or that I'm suicidal. I wish a lot of things.
I once had a dream that I went back into time and still preserved my mind of the present. I asked you all if there was anything you would do differently. I would have a different relationship with my parents. I would love to say that I would be more honest with them, but every time I tried when I lived there, I always walked away feeling like everything was my fault and that I had no right to be upset. That's how they made me feel. I know I was just a stupid kid, but I had my own thoughts, and it didn't always match up with there's. I hated the way my mom would take David's side. She always did. I've only spent time with my mom alone once since we've lived in Norman. That was after Sheena and I were married and I took her out to Pearls. She wouldn't even let me pay because she didn't think I should take her out. We didn't even do anything else because she had to get back to my brother and sisters. Maybe just a sister at that time. I want that time back. I remember when I was moving out and my mom was yelling at me and Sean was with me. I had come in with intent of just going about my business and moving out, but it was difficult. Now Sean is public enemy number one and I'm sure not even welcome in my family's house. My best friend! My parents also think my other best friend is concieted. Imagine Richard being concieted, I can't. They think that because in the 5th grade, he gave me a baseball card with his picture on it. I'll admit that it wasn't the greatest birthday gift, but I would gladly take a million baseball cards if I knew that he would be my best friend for the last ten years!
And my wife. I love her so much. I really do. I couldn't tell you what my parents honestly think. At one point, she was not even welcomed back to the house, now they miss her when she doesn't come over. What the fuck! Fucking pick a damn position! Don't fucking play with my emotions. Sheena is not happy with me because I say more in this blog than I do to her. I'm sorry. I would say that I'm not good at talking, but that's a lie. I don't know why it's so easy to write in this blog. I want to talk to Sheena, but if I talk about my family, she ends up hating them more, I don't want that. That's not what I want! I want everyone to be happy with each other. I really do. I don't like when friends fight, because I don't ever want anyone to be unhappy around me. That's just not how I am. I don't want different groups in my life to be at odds, in reality or in there own minds either. I know I get upset easily and I'm sorry about that. My feelings get hurt too easily, that's my problem. I'm conscience of it. I just try to be the best friend to you all that I can be. I love you all and without you, I don't know where the hell I would be.
I have nothing else to say. I seem to have worked myself up. Go back to your normal lives citizens, Batman has left the building. Batman, what a joke, I've never been a hero in my life and I never will be.
Nothing really. I was actually pretty content and relaxed most of the weekend. I'm happy for that. Anyway, I'll go down the list with the title of this blog:
1. Xbox Live: this weekend, I started a free subscription to Xbox live. I had a lot of fun the last few nights playing online. I was a little hesitant at first because I was worried everyone was going to kick my ass, but in the end, I was matched pretty evenly. I had a lot of fun playing with Julius and his friends and I recently was told that I made one of his friends very mad at me. Overall, the experiece was great and I can't wait for the Xbox 360 so I can play co-op games with Sean.
2. My 4th of July was a lot like last years: The fireworks were not that impressive, but at least they had a decent ending to them. I did have a lot of fun other than the fireworks though. My dad was his normal self, I had to lie to him about what Church we attend and who the Pastor was. I don't like lying to him, but I think it's better than telling him that I don't go to church at all and I've been lying to him for a long time. Wouldn't you all say so? I guess it just boils down to the fact that I don't want to be harrassed by everyone in my family. My Uncle Joey doesn't go to church, why doesn't anyone harrass him? My dad and I did throw the softball in the back yard, we haven't done that in awhile. I told him about the War of the Worlds scene with Tom Cruise and his "son" throwing the baseball. He laughed and then asked, "So you and Sheena went and saw War of the Worlds?" in a tone that said, "You shouldn't spend money on movies." I always feel immature around him and I also feel inadequate. I can't share this with Sheena, I don't want to give her more reasons to hate him. He also seemed to dissaprove of the fact that I wasn't saving money for my tuition next semester. I'm just trying to have a good summer. I hope I get the Manager position because that's the only way I'll be able to go to school. I also don't feel like I could ask my family for money. They just don't give me that impression. I will not take out a school loan. I refuse to do that. I would rather drop out than be in debt the rest of my life. Anyway, happy thoughts! My PawPaw really messed up his car. I hope he waits for me to go down to Louisianna. I could at least follow him and make sure he's ok. I'm just worried one of these days that my Uncle Joey is going to call me and tell me that my PawPaw is dead. I don't think I'll handle that very well. I need to get some new happy thoughts.
3. Swimming: I'm actually doing a lot better in the pool. I'm doing flips and everything. I still can't swim, but I think that goal is now within my grasp. I told my parents that I was going to swim after I was done hanging out with them and that turned into me going to some crazy Swim Party and that my friends that I've known for years would throw me in the pool. I know they're just trying to be protective, but I don't think they know me at all. That really makes me sad. I wish my family knew who I really was. I wish I could tell them all of my amazing adventures and actually have them laugh. I wish they could read one of my stories and not feel that it was evil or that I'm suicidal. I wish a lot of things.
I once had a dream that I went back into time and still preserved my mind of the present. I asked you all if there was anything you would do differently. I would have a different relationship with my parents. I would love to say that I would be more honest with them, but every time I tried when I lived there, I always walked away feeling like everything was my fault and that I had no right to be upset. That's how they made me feel. I know I was just a stupid kid, but I had my own thoughts, and it didn't always match up with there's. I hated the way my mom would take David's side. She always did. I've only spent time with my mom alone once since we've lived in Norman. That was after Sheena and I were married and I took her out to Pearls. She wouldn't even let me pay because she didn't think I should take her out. We didn't even do anything else because she had to get back to my brother and sisters. Maybe just a sister at that time. I want that time back. I remember when I was moving out and my mom was yelling at me and Sean was with me. I had come in with intent of just going about my business and moving out, but it was difficult. Now Sean is public enemy number one and I'm sure not even welcome in my family's house. My best friend! My parents also think my other best friend is concieted. Imagine Richard being concieted, I can't. They think that because in the 5th grade, he gave me a baseball card with his picture on it. I'll admit that it wasn't the greatest birthday gift, but I would gladly take a million baseball cards if I knew that he would be my best friend for the last ten years!
And my wife. I love her so much. I really do. I couldn't tell you what my parents honestly think. At one point, she was not even welcomed back to the house, now they miss her when she doesn't come over. What the fuck! Fucking pick a damn position! Don't fucking play with my emotions. Sheena is not happy with me because I say more in this blog than I do to her. I'm sorry. I would say that I'm not good at talking, but that's a lie. I don't know why it's so easy to write in this blog. I want to talk to Sheena, but if I talk about my family, she ends up hating them more, I don't want that. That's not what I want! I want everyone to be happy with each other. I really do. I don't like when friends fight, because I don't ever want anyone to be unhappy around me. That's just not how I am. I don't want different groups in my life to be at odds, in reality or in there own minds either. I know I get upset easily and I'm sorry about that. My feelings get hurt too easily, that's my problem. I'm conscience of it. I just try to be the best friend to you all that I can be. I love you all and without you, I don't know where the hell I would be.
I have nothing else to say. I seem to have worked myself up. Go back to your normal lives citizens, Batman has left the building. Batman, what a joke, I've never been a hero in my life and I never will be.
posted by GhostMaster at 1:30 AM
4 Comments:
I think you need some man to man love.
and a hug. I can provide both of those.
I think I need a hug too. That's not quite the blog I wanted to write, but it just happened.
I know this probably sounds like a bad idea to you, but I really do think you should tell Sheena everything. Including the fact that you don't want her to hate your family. Being open in a relationship is the best thing for everyone involved. But that's just my two cents.
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